Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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