My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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