And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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