He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
