I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
