it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
