And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
