I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
