I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
