Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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