Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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