just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
