...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
