I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
