so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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