and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
