She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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