Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
