Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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