So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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