I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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