If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
