My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
