We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
