It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
