Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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