You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
