he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize