Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
