I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
