He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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