when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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