alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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