Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
