i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
