all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
