I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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