Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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