I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
