I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
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You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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