PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
birth control should be required to get into college
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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