I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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