youre lurking in front of me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
