I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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