capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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