i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
