mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
