Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
