I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he fucked my hip out of place.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
