She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
sarcasm needs its own font
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize