Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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