My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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