Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
