I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
