considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
