Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
