Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drunk is a universal language darling
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