I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
