This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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