why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
