life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
