Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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