Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
not ubering you a puppy
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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