So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
