Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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