i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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