walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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