if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
