guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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