I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
