Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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