I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
